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Archive for December, 2011

A wonderful way to connect with your partner when you first meet after an absence is a simple, energetically-clean hug. This can tune your energies by simply placing your bodies together with no obligation to do more. When you’re in closer energetic harmony, then it is easier to move to greater intimacy or you may just allow the loving touch to be a renewing contact.

The technique is as follows:

Take your partner into an embrace.

Each of you stands with your weight on your own feet.

Be in stillness.

You should each primarily feel of yourself (this is very important).

Give yourself time to relax into your own body. Feel at home in your own space.

Look for your own depth of feeling.

Tune in to who you are / your purpose in this moment.

Breathe slowly, deeply and easily.

Allow yourself to just be.

You will find that both of your energies and feelings shift by simply putting your bodies together in a centered and still way.

More thoughts on togetherness

Too often it is easy to energetically “over-give” or to get into your partner’s energetic space without realizing it. Remaining grounded in your togetherness provides the other person an invitation for authentic action. I must first be connected with myself in order to really be present for my partner. It is my steady presence that she desires most.

Share the space between you rather than occupying it all yourself. Over-merging reduces sexual charge. You don’t want to surround yourself with a thick emotional wall at one extreme, but “giving your all” while holding nothing back for yourself is also un-appealing. Neither state is attractive to an awakened woman. I give her the best of me when I rest in the center of my heart and allow a higher love to shine through me.

In Sacred Sexuality we talk about “conscious touch”. This is to put heightened attention at your hands and being more aware of the impact / effect of your touch. Touching should not be a “take”, but an intent of giving will feel more like a sweet gift by the receiver.

Releasing attachments is a helpful practice to honor each persons sovereign space. You may also simply gaze in each other’s eyes and hold the intentions with these words as you declare out loud:

I honor you

I bless you

I release you

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Do you know how sometimes you hear or read something and you just get the truth of it instantly?

I’ve compiled a list of short statements below that help to define an ideal relationship to me. Some of them are original thoughts and some of them I just grocked right away.

Every once in a while I’ve come across a statement that describes how I want my intimate relationship to look and feel. These don’t need much examination or research, I just get it on a bone-deep level. Anyway, here they are:

Relationship Guiding Principles

Companionship without cling

Friendship without manipulation

Friendship over form

Love without conditions

Affectionate touch without obligation

Humor without sarcasm

Listening without judgment

Answers without shadow

Service without expectation

Support not suppression

Solutions instead of complaints

Acceptance without guilt or manipulation

Generosity of heart over attachment

I also find it helpful to speak these words silently in meditation as a way of orienting to unconditional love and acceptance:

I honor you

I bless you

   I release you

Tony Robbins teaches that true honesty is not telling someone else what you think of them, but being honest with yourself about your own motivations. I also find the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer incredibly useful to keep the focus on my own shortcomings and staying in empathy and compassion vs. trying to over-examine other people.

I review this list every once in a while and honestly critique my own behavior and motivations. I ask myself: 1 – Do I love this principle?  2 – Do I offer this?

In this spirit, I recommend a song by Alanis Morissette, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return”. She sings to a generosity of spirit and great love and of being whole unto oneself. She is one of my relationship heroines.

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